Liv's First Dance Concert

Tonight was Olivia's first dance concert. She actually did really well considering she was very distracted during class the last few weeks and didn't really participate much during practice time.

As you can see, about half way through she spotted her dad and just started pointing at him.

It was so fun! We love our Livvy so much!

Halloween Is Almost Here - The Shuey's Are Carvin' Pumpkins

We just got done carving pumpkins and Liv had so much fun! She loved watching, but not so much helping as you can see in the second photo of her.

Best Friends

This picture is my favorite!  Liv went over to Amy's while Amy was bathing Ella and Liv just wanted to jump in!  These two are best friends!  It's so fun having such great neighbors!

Our Beautiful Yard

We finally finished our yard last week. It has been so nice having a backyard and being able to send Liv out to jump during the day. We had so much help from all of our friends and family members, we appreciate them so much!

Grief

I have been reading a lot of blogs written by moms who have experienced the loss of their baby. It is comforting to know that the pain will lessen (though not go away) over time. I wanted to record my feelings and in the future, maybe help another mother or family who experiences the loss of their angel.
After the birth of Harper, we were able to hold her and spend time with her in the hospital. What sacred times these were. I will never forget the way her little legs looked just like her big sister, or how soft her hair was, or her cute little nose. I will also never forget how I was flooded with sadness as I looked at her and realized that I wouldn't see her open her eyes, or grasp my finger. I wouldn't be able, in this life, be able to give her a bath, comfort her in the night, learn her sweet personality, or see her play with her sister. I cannot even describe how painful these revelations were. As I left the hospital, I couldn't believe that she wasn't coming with me. I hated more than anything to leave her there.
After leaving the hospital, we began making funeral arrangements. As a mother, there is nothing more painful than planning to bury your child. We decided to go through the Warenski Funeral Home. Greg and I went up on Thursday, March 11th to finalize plans. As I walked into the room with all the caskets and looked at the tiny boxes that were going to be my baby's resting place, I was flooded with emotion. I couldn't believe that instead of being in a warm, soft crib, my baby would be "sleeping" in a small plastic box. We picked a beautiful white casket for our sweet girl and left, leaving her in the care of the mortician.
The viewing and funeral were beautiful. Close family was able to come see our pride and joy and say goodbye to her before the graveside service. At the service, Greg conducted. We had my dad, Doug, say a few words and Greg's mom, Cindy, read a beautiful poem. All of Harper's cousins and Olivia then sang, "I Am a Child of God". Greg's brother, Brian, then dedicated her grave. It was the most emotional and beautiful service for the most beautiful baby. There were so many friends and family members there to support us, and we were so grateful to have them there.
As the weeks since burying our Harper have passed, I have been consumed by emotion. I am grateful that time has passed, making the wounds less "fresh", but I also hate that time is passing because it means it has been that much longer since I have felt Harper kick or held her in my arms. My heart aches constantly and as you can imagine, I have not felt like myself at all. I feel cheated that I don't get to hold, smell, touch, kiss, and cuddle my Harper. I know that I will get to raise her in the Millennium, but I want her NOW. I think about her constantly, but have to go on and try my best to make life feel "normal" for Olivia. She deserves her mom's love and attention, and I'm grateful that I get to give it to her. She has truly kept me going. I don't know what I would do without her happy, sweet spirit. She is my Angel here on Earth. I love her so much and feel blessed to be her mom.
As I try to heal, I am so thankful for my knowledge of the Gospel. I know that the Lord has a plan for Harper and for our family. This knowledge has given me great comfort in this time. I cannot wait to see Harper again. What a wonderful day it will be.
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that "those who die in infancy are too pure and lovely to live in the corruption on Earth. Even as we mourn their present loss to us, we have reason to rejoice because they have been delivered from evil."

Our Little Angel

This week has definitely been the most difficult and trying week of my life. On Monday night as I layed in bed, I realized that I hadn't felt Harper move all day. I decided to go in to the hospital just for reassurance. I was sure that they would hear her heartbeat and send me home.
When we got to the hospital, the nurses tried for about 30 minutes to find her heartbeat and they couldn't hear anything. They then did an ultrasound to see what was going on. After the ultrasound, the nurses came in and told me that my little angel was dead. I cannot even describe the pain that I felt at this time. My whole world had been turned upside down. My plans and dreams for my Harper had been taken from me in a matter of moments.
Throughout this experience, Greg and I have been so blessed to have the love and support of our families. I don't know what I would do without my mom, my sisters, and all of those who have helped us through this hard time. Thanks to all of you.
I also feel so blessed to have knowledge of the gospel, and to know that my precious baby is now with her Father in Heaven. I know that she was too perfect to live on this earth. I also know that I will see her again. This brings such great comfort to me and my family. I can't wait to meet her one day, and be able to raise her. Until then, my heart will ache to hold her in my arms. I love my little Haper so much.

Thoughts on Pregnancy

I really don't want to be a complainer, but since this blog is basically my journal, I feel like I need to document my feelings about pregnancy.  I'll start with my negative feelings so that I can end on a positive note...
Things I struggle with about pregnancy:
-fat face
-when I can't put on my own shoes
-feeling exhausted and uncomfortable all the time
-aches all over your body
-feeling unattractive no matter what you do
-not being able to walk up the stairs without getting winded
-not sleeping well
-finding it difficult to paint your toes or shave your legs.

Things I love about pregnancy:
-knowing I'm carrying some seriously precious cargo
-feeling my sweet baby move
-having Liv want to talk to her little sister
-being able to eat a little more (I know you should still be watching what you eat, but come on.  It's nice to not have to worry about it quite so much for nine months.)
-people are always a little more polite to pregnant women  (holding doors, giving up seats, etc.)
-having a legitimate excuse to rest more
-watching in amazement as my body changes to accommodate my little passenger

It truly is such a blessing to be pregnant and to experience the miracle of bringing a baby into the world.  I'm so grateful to be a woman, what an amazing calling.  I'm also very grateful for my sweet husband who is willing to get me as many glasses of water and popsicles as my little heart desires, and who is so helpful with Olivia and other things around the house.  It really makes pregnancy easier.  I can't wait to welcome our little girl in 10 more weeks. 

Liv is 2!

Happy Birthday to my baby girl! Where has time gone? These last 2 years have been such a blast. I love having Olivia in our home. She makes life more fun. Here are some of the things I love about my little girl...
-She is so smart and talks like crazy! I love hearing what she has to say. Everything that comes out of her mouth makes me laugh.
-She is full of energy. I swear she has more energy in her little finger than I have in my whole body!
-She loves to snuggle in bed and watch t.v. I cherish every moment that I get to lay by my little lady. When I get uncomfortable and need to roll over, she always says, "Mom, nuggle me!" It's so adorable.
-I love that she is constantly jumping. When she gets excited, she just hops all over the place. It is so spastic and darling.
-She loves to nakie dance! Every time I change her diaper or her clothes, she rolls over as fast as she can and tells me, "Me wanna nakie dance." Then she boogies like crazy, naked. It's so funny to watch her with her tiny legs and little bum.
-She loves to talk about the Temple. She is obsessed with Angel Moroni. She also likes to tell me that she is going to marry a boy in the Temple. It is so precious.
I am so grateful to be that crazy little girls mom. She had made life even more wonderful. I feel so blessed that I get to spend everyday with her. Happy Birthday to my little Olivia. I love you more than you will ever know! Here's to another wonderful year watching you grow.